I don't want to be left alone
by NaymlessChylt
Summary: There are moments at which you realize, that you've done something totally wrong. Yuki has to experience this one day - or longer.
1. 1 Yoru

I worked a bit on this part ^_^ Someone told me that there were some grammar mistakes and I made a few of them out myself. O_o Thanks by the way *g*  
  
-I don't want to be left alone-  
  
Chapter #1 - Yoru  
  
He was moaning annoyingly. He was jumping up and down at my right side and telling me how baaaad his day was - then he said, that he would loooooove me. But after all, he continued, the sun was shiiiining, so the day would not have been so baaaaad as he had thought. I shook my head, thinking about what had ridden me when I confessed my love to such a blockhead. "YUUUUUUKI!", he moaned again. "Are you REALLY listening to me?"   
  
"Yes", was my answer and I overheard the rest of what he said, like the things he had already said.   
  
"And then I brought a cat", he ended. "Hmhm.", my brain was recognizing that there was something wrong with this sentence. "You brought what?!?" The hope that my ears played games with me was not gone yet. "A caaaaaaat, a sweet black, grey, white cat! I named her Yoru, 'cause she reminds me of the night!" "Are you CRAZY or what???", I just couldn't believe it. "This is officially MY home, and I can't and I WON'T allow a pet!" "but Yu.." "NO" He started crying awfully and I had over a hundred pages to write for my new novel till the following week; if it continued like this, and even if I would kick this little moron out for that week, it would be hard. One lost day is such lost period for a novelist who has to finish his script. "We'll talk later. Sit down and shut up.", I thought this was doing it. "Nonononoooope, Yuki! Please, I beg you! You are so busy and I'm sooo alone!" I sighed.   
  
"Yes, yes. keep it.. but if it bothers me, I'll drive it over."   
  
He knew that I knew that I would not drive over his beloved cat and so he smiled happily. "I'll fulfil a wish of yours, someday!", he chatted excitedly.   
  
A week later seventy-five pages had found their way on my laptop. Only one evening to write all the rest. Tomorrow; this was the day I had to bring my script to my manager. The phone rang and as if he had heard me thinking my manager was on the telephone. He said something that sounded similar to Shuichi when he wanted to date with me. 'Yuki-san, it is really important that you will have done your script by tomorrow. I need to have it at six o'clock!' - okay, not as annoying as Shuichi was, for sure. Then the manager would have hat to say: 'Yuuuuki-san, it is REALLY important that you will have DONE your script by tooomooorrrrooooow. I neeeeeeeeeed to HAVE it at six o'clock'.  
  
Fortunately - for the manager - he was not as much as he could like Shuichi. That would have caused a nervous breakdown and the book would not be finished in a year. The door first opened then closed silently. He came from behind and hugged me tightly. I only desired that I could breathe.   
  
"Let off", I barked and he sobbed: "YUUUKI! I just wanted to hug ya!" I concentrated on my laptop. "Yuki, did you see neko-chan?"   
  
"No"   
  
"Really?"   
  
"Really."   
  
"ReallyReally?"   
  
"Shut up"   
  
"But.. YUUU..."   
  
"SHUT UP"   
  
/If that is his wish?/,   
  
Shuichi thought painfully. It sent him shivers down the spine   
  
"Gomen"   
  
The regularly 'clackclack' continued under the touches on the keyboards keys. Letters appeared out of nowhere on the desktop. Shindou Shuichi left the room quietly.  
  
The next days were as quiet as the one after Yuki had been angry. The novelist did not wonder why 'the little brat' was silent - who cares, he had to work. The cat came into the room poked Yukis leg a bit with it's hairy soft head. If he had not realized that it was the cat he had kicked it - but it was a lucky day for the cat. She stormed out of the room as the blond stood up at ones. At the door Shuichi was waiting, picked it up and petted it gently. The cat moaned a bit then began to purr. He just smiled and gave her some food in the kitchen. One week had passed since the lead-singer of Bad Luck had spoken nothing more than the essential things.  
  
Two weeks later it slowly came to happen that Yuki thought Shuichi would be, well, would be acting strange. His behaviour was absolutely odd. The place were the novelist thought about it was a huge, loud place near to a well. The fact that he thought about the little singer was, as he thought, that he, Shuichi, was the exactly connotation for bruit - out of Yuki's sight. He realized that the younger one had grown much more silent, and now, as he thought about it, it bothered him.  
  
It was already dark when the blond went home by car. He was almost at home when he felt the car rumbling and heard a strange, unexplainable, sound. Nerved he set out of his car to look what was wrong with the wheels. Actually, there was nothing wrong with them.. more with something under them.   
  
/Shuichi's cat!!!/ He looked at the dead animal and had no choice but to bury it nearby. He didn't know if he should tell his friend about this accident or just pretend to wonder why the singer's bonnie would not return.   
  
Yuki entered his flat. Inside it was dark. "Shuichi?", he went a step furthermore and came to the living room with the balcony. He recognized a person standing on it. After a few seconds he joined Shuichi outside. He did not say anything. "Today.", Shuichi started, then broke the sentence up. "Today's what?" "My birthday", the red hair was flowing in the feeble wind. At this moment, Shuichi seemed as vulnerable as a glass.   
  
Yuki nodded: "Sorry, I forgot"   
  
Shuichi also nodded: "Would have been a nice present if you had not killed Yoru. I wonder if she went on your nerves so much"   
  
//He saw it// "I wanted to tell you later", Yuki said honestly - he really wanted.   
  
"hm" "Shui..." "No." The little one turned around and left the balcony by going inside. He laid down on the couch and slept just a minute later.   
  
//What the heck... he talks as if I had done it on purpose.. //   
  
That bothered Yuki. But the thing really driving him into craziness was that Shuichi not even spoke a word afterwards. The book was ready, he had time left and Shuichi... he was not even as vivid as short before Yoru died. "Shuichi, I have to talk to you", Yuki said, noticing that he was not listening. "Okay.. I don't mind.. just come to me if you are ready to clear things."   
  
Yuki left the flat, having something special in his mind. He drove to a pet store. There were many cats, many, many, moaning cats. The novelist sighted, but he had already decided what he wanted to do. "Can I help you, Sir?" a woman asked. "Yeah.. I want to buy this cat", he pointed at a little kitten. It was all black with a grey tip on it's tail and a white spot that reminded of a star on the head. Having all medical supports done Yuki returned back home. Something was there, that he did not like. Something.. that he did not want to know. Just a feeling. He came into the flat. "Shuichi?", he asked and searched in the kitchen, the bedroom, the dining room, the balcony and the rest of the flat which he actually never used. But there was no Shuichi - and just one place left. "Baka, are you in there?", he asked, slightly knocking on the bathroom. There was no answer, but the air near to the door seemed to be warmer and a bit more wet. Yuki tried to open the door - it was locked. "Shuichi?", he tried again. Definitely locked. 


	2. 2 Water and Blood

Yo! Just a few words at the beginning:  
  
At first it was just an open-end one shoot story and I'm really thankful to those who asked me to continue =D I felt really honoured and my ambition to write a story that is not written in my mothertongue came back *g*   
  
By the way, my grammar is sometimes really horrible and some of my vocabularies aren't used in the right way either.. I'm sorry ^_^;; I'll work on it.  
  
Chapter #2 - Water and Blood  
  
I don't know if I'm awake any longer. I just feel the warm flood of water surrounding me, drenching my clothes. I sink a little deeper into the water, into the warm, lulling fluid that assures me that I don't have to worry anymore about anything. My ears slowly disappear, my chin, my mouth, my nose. I can't breath but that doesn't matter. I'm too sleepy to come up again. Something pulls me down.   
  
I guess it's Gravitation.  
  
Yuki tried to enter once more. With his whole weight he slammed his body against the door keeping him out of the room. "SHUICHI!"  
  
He retried, again and again. The apartment had a good quality, so had the wood the doors were made of. Suddenly the ankles of the door first creaked than cracked. The blond hair novelist stood in the middle of the room looking into the bath tube where his little friend lie. The hair soaked with water, like the clothes that stuck onto to the pale skin. The transparent to blue-green (that's the case if the bath salts that are smelling like a sunny day and which Shuichi likes so much are mixed into it) water is pervaded with little, levitating reddish strings. A slight orange assembles where Shiuichi's arms lie. The pale face, embraced with dull red, seems to be a sleeping mask of wax. The lips and skin were covered by a bluish shade.   
  
For a moment Yuki did nothing else than staring at this scene. Then he woke up from his shock trembling. He ran to Shiuchi, grabbed his young friend, carried him out of the bath into the living room. He laid him down on the couch, sat down right beside Shuichi stroking through the wet strands while taking the telephone and calling an ambulance. He didn't speak a lot. When a gentle voice told him that he was connected to the ambulance station he just told her - very rudely - the address and that they should hurry up. Grumbling he banged the phone on the accumulator.  
  
More calm than before he attended Shuichi again, lifted him into his arms. "Shhhh.. don't worry.. they'll come soon..."   
  
He himself didn't know if he really wanted to tell Shuichi that he would be safe by then or just himself to assure that his friend would survive.   
  
He tried to do some first aid. Fortunately the singer was still breathing. Otherwise it would have been too late for him.  
  
Less than ten minutes passed by till the doorbell rang. Yuki opened the door not before he had told the unconsciousness Shuichi that he would be back in a nanosecond.   
  
Everything that had to be done was done in a few moments. They came in, raised the boy on a stretcher, went out and drove away. Someone had asked Yuki if he wanted to come with them and in all his confusion Yuki had refused.   
  
Now he sat in the bathroom on the rim of the bath tube, smoking a cigarette. He observed the blood going with the flow, then he tore the loops of red apart and pulled the plug out of the sink. Slowly the water flew away, like the red and orange inside.  
  
Something nestled up against Yukis shin and when he looked down the kitten he had brought looked straight into his eyes, moaned quietly as if she wanted to give him her sympathy. He kneeled down in front of her, stroked her fur. "Sorry.. nothing actually was how I liked it to be.. everything went wrong.. I'm sorry... Yami?" She moaned again, expressing that she thought that the name would suit her best.   
  
This night when Yuki finally went to bed he looked on the side of the furniture where Shuichi lie if the novelist hadn't forced him to sleep on the couch. He began to realize how empty his life had been the last two weeks, how awfully silent, how dreadful lonely. He had missed his blockhead, but he had been to proud to admit himself that he had such feelings. He noticed how lonely he made Shuichi, and that the other one was not able to live like that. He made him trying to commit suicide, he was the one who had driven the little singer into his despair.  
  
Salty drops ran down on his cheeks and fell on the blanket. Yuki fell into sleep and though he had heard how the cat came on the bed, settling herself beside him and coiling up before, he did not mind anymore. 


	3. 3 Disinfected

I don't want to be left alone #03  
  
Disinfected  
  
The night was like a torture. Yuki hadn't had any dreams for the last few years, or at least he couldn't remember. Either he slept too short to enter the REM phase or he slept too long to catch it, and remember that he had dreamed. Tonight was different, very different from before. He dreamed a dream about Shuichi. About him screaming in agony. About him lying dead on the floor. About him crying himself into sleep. About him tying a knot in some rope clumsy. About him hanging in the middle of the bath as if he ended on the gallows, smiling at him, crying some tears of blood and saying 'I really loved you' before his body finally slackened.   
  
He woke up.  
  
He stared on the ceiling.  
  
He remembered everything.  
  
Every little detail of his nightmare was so frightening clear that Yuki trembled. He looked at his side and came to see Yami. She stretched herself and yawned. Just then Yuki realized that the attempt of committing suicide was not a thing that had bounced out of his imagination. He stood up, put his clothes on and went outside. It was four o'clock am. The streets were empty. The blond could see the light in the bakeries. Some people were passing by, heading the underground stations to go to their work that was too far away to be reached by foot. Yuki himself could have taken his car but he didn't want to. He bathed in the coldness of the air like others did in luke-warm water. It woke him up and helped him to relax, to think clearly.   
  
For a few hours he wandered around. He did not see how the city came to life. How the dusk fulfilled the streets with people that surrounded him more and more.   
  
It was around noon when he decided to go to the hospital Shuichi was in. The woman at the reception looked at him nervously. She was a fan of him but she did not dare to ask for an autograph. Without requesting for his relation to Shuichi, father, brother, uncle or whatever, she gave him the number of the room the pink haired singer was lying in.  
  
Yuki made his way upstairs. He didnt take the elevator. He just felt like walking, wandering around. Truely he wanted to see him, but he didn't at all. He wanted to run away. To flee. He felt as if he had killed someone again.  
  
Everything smelled of disinfectant and everything looked disinfected. The neutral white and the minty green was about everywhere. He hated it. He hated hospitals. He hated to have to come here to see Shuichi and out of all he detested the fact that he was responsible to have to visit him in a hospital that he hated so much.  
  
The novelist arrived at his destination. On the room hang a little nameplate which the number 378 and a little removable label with the name 'Shindou' on it. For a while he stood in front of the door. He tried to eavesdrop but he heard nothing besides the noises some nurses made when they tripped up and down the floor with their white stilettos or simply chatted. Five minutes passed like that. He stretched out his hand to press down the door handle. He didn't reach it since the door opened before he touched it.   
  
At first he had feared that it was Shuichi himself. But it was worse. It was Hiro. If a glance could kill then Hiro's one would have been the ultimate death glare. Yuki went one step back but the guitarist did not deign to look at him once again. He waited patiently until nobody headed in their direction. Suddenly he punched Yuki in his stomach without having any resistance. Then the other one went away as if he just had passed by.  
  
After a few minutes the novelist had recollected himself. He stood up and went to the door again. Again he did not really want to open that door but again he wanted to open it so badly. He sighed and put his hand on the handle. He touched it and nothing happened. Though it should be normal that touching a door handle was not the end of the world he was somehow relieved. Slowly he pressed it down and pulled.   
  
There it was. The way, the very short way to Shuichi. He stood in the frame, just looking at the reddish hair, the pale, soft face, the body shape that slightly stood out against the snow-white blanket of the snow-white bed in a snow-white room with mint green tiles in three rows on the wall. Oh yes, he hated hospitals.   
  
In addition to the monotonous look the room had there was a steady monotonous sound from the gadget Shuichi was connected to. Every time it made that 'peep'-sound Yuki desired to throw it out of the snow-white window on the sidewalk and to watch how it shattered into thousands of pieces.  
  
He forced himself to keep calm while going to the bed.   
  
He wished he was the kind of guy who talked to sleeping people. But he was not and the sound of the gadget continued to break the silence into little pieces. Thirty minutes passed. An hour passed. Another one.   
  
"Hello.."  
  
Yuki wondered how broken his own voice sounded while he was speaking.  
  
"Hello", answered Shuichi and kept his eyes closed. 


End file.
